Monday, December 30, 2019

DECEMBER 30TH 2019

My feelings since October 14th, the day I found out...

I still have trouble sleeping. I wonder were you in pain and was it quick. I hear your voice all the time man. Your poetry replays in my head and I tear up. I remember the night we met, you were mysterious and poetic. In my heart and mind we were close friends, I respected your art and I'm so sorry that I never told you that. Everything you ever said to me was worth listening to. I'm thankful for those memories. I enjoyed having you in my life friend and I will never forget you. You was one of the best "kidd" lol and I'm still sober so you must know that losing you hurts like hell but I'm gonna be ok. Mike is here holding me down and I'm glad you got to see me genuinely smile before you passed on. I'm gonna light a candle for you on your birthday, pray that you're resting in peace-love-light, and blow it out. You were one of the best poems ever written and you'll be greatly missed bro. Happy birthday Rage Almighty. 
🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 

40 Years of Lies & Truth

My father died 40 years ago when I had just turned 1. I grew up with 2 brothers in my house and 1 brother I sometimes heard about I never knew. 

I always heard my dad was a monster and his family was bad to be around but I still wanted to know them. My mom kept me from knowing them my whole life until recently when I finally met my brother. I can't even explain here how frustrating my search has been. I'm 41 now and I'm pissed off but thankful that now I can see him and hear his voice. We have so much in common and it's comforting. 

I now need couseling just from finding out so much that my mother didn't tell me but it's cool. YAH has brought me this far and I'll go further just having faith that old wounds will be healed. I'll never trust the people that lied to me and kept the truth from me. 

My aunt and my brother have been looking for me all this time...40 years. My aunt Sherrie told me to take on the new year and live it. Forgive the past and embrace my new family more than ever because outside of my faith my husband, kids, and my dad's family is all I have now.

I don't hate anyone at all, not mad anymore. For the first time ever I don't want to hurt myself anymore because I was always wanted. To my aunt and my brother I was not a mistake and that's all that matters to me now.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Family Night

My first session is almost over and tonight is family night. We're watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid, little Mike and I love these books. 

School has been a challenge with all the deaths around us so family is very important as it has always been. I can't believe 2020 is almost here. I'm praying for everything to be righteous in my life from this point on. Whomever is against me and my family will be handled so I'm not worried. I feel blessed and my prayer is that somehow we all find a way to forgive and keep moving forward.

DECEMBER 30TH 2019

My feelings since October 14th, the day I found out... I still have trouble sleeping. I wonder were you in pain and was it quick. I hear you...