I can't sleep

It was a sruggle to get out of bed today. I've had his poems replaying over and over in my head all day. Visions of his smile kept me unfocus. I talked to a close friend and my son about my feelings with hope that verbally speaking about the good memories would keep the tears away. I get so emotional when people die and I say crazy things just out of grief. I've been taking sleeping pills to sleep but tonight I guess they're not going to work. I stood in the shower for an hour trying to make sense out of all this pain I feel. I'm mad and sad. I'm trying really hard to not question God on this one but I can't help but wonder why. I guess it doesn't make sense to me because he was young. The more sadness I feel, the more pressure I feel in my chest. I passed by the spot where we used to sit and talk and I became overwhelmed with disbelief that I can't send him a message or call him just to see what he's got going on. I guess I need to just go on to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

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