9.11.2019 First Poem Since...

Still longing for love in a dark place
Still accepting obvious lies while smiling back in his face
Still crying myself to sleep because my pain is deep
Still looking for answers out there when the truth lays dormant within my being
I have become the hypocrite that I've despised for years
I have become to monster that glares at the loved one in tears
He never beat me physically but mentally because of him I'm dead
I've never been this honest before
I've always been good at avoiding and denying instead
As the Lord looks down at me
I avoid looking up because I fear that I might see him
And I'm not ready for the judgement
The shame, the guilt
I was made in His image but dwell in spiritual filth
I repent...
I confess that I'm a mess
I rebuke...
I proclaim that He died for my sins
And I believe more than anything that after 3 days he rose again

So why can't I deny my fleshy earthy ways knowing all hell is about to cut loose because
These
        Are
            The
                 Last
                       Days

This is the first poem I've written in a long time, like some years. I have been frustrated with life and family for a while now. Frustrated with myself because I could have done better but decided to settle for less just to feel comfortable and ended up being very uncomfortable with everything and everyone. I hope my life will inspire others to change and keep striving to be better. I'm not perfect but He is. Peace&Love

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